Emotional Eater....or Not

I know a woman who belongs to Overeaters Anonymous; she refers to herself as an "emotional eater" and frequently repeats one of the many cliche sayings that are part of any twelve-step program. "One day at a time" and "This too shall pass" are biggies amongst the many mottoes. There's more to the programs than just the sayings, but they work. ("It works if you work it.") Maybe some folks could take a drink or overeat while saying "This too shall pass;" however, the irony and the bathroom humor would crack me up. I'd probably blow the Bloody Mary or Boston cream pie out my nose. Anyway, as I was saying, this woman is a self-proclaimed "emotional eater" which begs the question....what is a non-emotional eater?

The non-emotional eater can't order from a menu. "I could care less what your specials are. Bring me anything. I just don't care."

Or the non-emotional eater might respond in a Mr. Spock-like monotone. "I'll have lamb, specifically the posterior cut of a young sheep; sheep being akin to the Greek term, "élaphos." Please don't confuse my use of the word, lamb, as meaning 'a gentle person'. I do not want the posterior end of a gentle person, nor do I want a slice of Christ. In addition, I want three-ounces of a form of a cultivated cruciferous plant, Brassica oleracea botrytis, whose leafy stalks and clusters of usually green buds are eaten as a vegetable known to the common man as 'broccoli.'

The non-emotional eater would break his Jewish mother's heart. "Who cares that you spent four hours in the kitchen with the air conditioning broken leaning your crutch against the counter while applying a tourniquet to the hand that got caught in the meat grinder? I don't want to eat dinner with you. I'm just not feeling it."

If a person has a pulse, they must be experiencing an emotion of some kind, unless the person is in a catatonic stupor. Maybe even the catatonic schizophrenic is feeling something; he just isn't going to tell us what it is. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," is a statement of emotion.

Therefore, I question the self-diagnosed label "emotional eater" as having anything to do with indulging in excess amounts of food. Personally, I feel emotional after I've indulged. "I am so happy that you shared a quart of Rocky Road ice cream with me. " "I'm miserable and embarrassed that I stepped up to the AYCE buffet for the third time."

Personally, I lack discipline in several areas of my life, and I am well-disciplined in others. However, I don't identify myself as an "emotional procrastinator" anymore than I am an "emotional hard-worker." While it's true that emotions motivate people toward action, I don't think that the emotion is an adequate descriptor of the action. Being non-emotional will probably not restrain someone from a habitual behavior, unless the person is catatonic or doesn't have a pulse. I'm perfectly capable of nonchalantly, apathetically approaching the buffet for the third time.