SECRET RETREAT

"artwork by Jane Luce"

"There was in me a secret retreat. Words and cadences haunted it like song-birds in a magic wood." ... Edith Warton, First woman Pulitzer Prize winner in fiction

Back in the days when I was more adventurous, I attended to internal stimuli in a spirit of discovery. In other words, I meditated and I did it with a sense of adventure, anticipation, and the expectation that something wonderful would present itself.

I remember that I once meditated with the intent of discovering my "animal shaman." Native Americans did this, I was told, so I, too, would be open to an introduction to an animal that would guide my meditation and open doorways to a new and wonderful enlightenment.

I began my meditation in my usual way, visualizing myself walking down a primitive staircase that twisted and turned, descending into a dark cavern. Just before I was on the floor of the cavern, I imagined myself lying on a smooth, black stone from which I could slide the rest of the way into the cavern.

When I arrived at the cavern's floor, I looked around for my animal shaman, and then saw a large dark creature sitting upright with her back to me. I was startled at first, but the animal continued to sit quietly, apparently not concerned about my playground-slide-entrance. As I took a deep breath contemplating my next move, the animal slowly turned in the barbershop-swivel-chair toward me. Our eyes met, and hers were large and gentle.

While I began to realize that I was in the presence of a spiritual being, I was at the same time having some real doubts about whether this was really my animal shaman. After all, I was pursuing a Native American meditation. This animal was large and kind and seemingly wise, but how could she be mine? She seemed to be on the wrong continent though I suspected the spiritual world didn't have the same geographical divisions as Planet Earth.

Yet, there she was. I was in pursuit of an animal shaman that a Native American might cherish, or at least recognize. I was thinking of maybe a doe or a rabbit or a song-bird. There she was ... my animal shaman was a baboon!

The baboon and I engaged in some meaningful conversation, most of which I really don't remember. But when I think of my "secret retreat," the caretaker is a large, dark baboon whose memory brings me a moment of peace and amusement. What more could I have asked for?

KEYBOARD ENERGY

I'm writing again after a too-long absence. My fingers on the keyboard take on a new energy when I'm blogging rather than during other activities. When I'm working, the keyboard is just a tool to be used. When I'm blogging, it feels more like I am the keyboard's tool and the keyboard is using me. To be needed is a good thing.

Backspace gives me a workout any time I'm writing. He has been lonely lately without me to push around. Backspace enjoys the determined reach of my right pinky in the same way we enjoy the outstretched arms of a loved one. The left pinky doesn't offer the same experience because Escape really wants to be left alone. Escape isn't touchy-feely; touchy-feely is the last resort.

Shift is a dancer. She is well-rehearsed, agile, loose, and limber. She really hasn't noticed the difference between whether I'm blogging or working. because she gets her exercise regardless of my intentions. For Shift, dance can be work and play at the same time. Her name is really a misnomer if you are thinking she is shifty in a Chicago kind of way. Not only is she essential in a big way, she has taught me to network. Check out Caps Lock and you'll see what I mean. ESSENTIAL!

The key that presides over these activities is, of course, Control. Control is not an easy reach, not to be used for frivolous purposes. Control is Escape's twin brother, slightly larger and more dominant than Escape. Control hangs out a lot with Alt and Delete; that says a lot about why Escape is the way he is.

Then there is Alphabet. Who doesn't love ABC's?

I know I shouldn't have a favorite but I can't help myself. I'm very fond of Enter. I can't quite put my finger on exactly why. Here again, I think her name is a misnomer. I think her name should be More. Want to continue? Want more? Just press Enter.

See how that worked? And who doesn't want more?

A QUESTION OF BALANCE

On the question of balance, for me it is the essential question.

I am not a person that adopts moderation into her life. Whatever I am doing is all that I am doing. Of course, I can multi-task. Research has shown that women are much better multi-task'ers than men and we have to be or, at times, we choose to be. However, even when I am multi-tasking, my attention is primarily focused on the one all-consuming task while the minor tasks are done mechanically by rote.

This question of balance is more of a problem the more time I have available. When pressed by a work schedule, appointments, obligations, and recreational plans, I have to relent to the clock and the calendar and I do multi-task at times. It is when I have the freedom to stay in my tunnel-vision world with one all-consuming task that balance becomes non-existent.

Even now with about 45 minutes of free time, I find myself engrossed in trying to figure out the perfect word, re-checking my punctuation, and staring deeply into the computer screen in front of me visualizing the finished blog entry. If I would move along and just get the damn thing written, I would have time to get something else done in this 45 minute pause in my day. That, I think, is what a person who understands the need for a balance of activity in her day would do. I say that with the certainty that children have when they can only imagine what a grown-up might do.

This summer, it looks like I might have more free time than I can deal with productively. I have several tasks: hustling money to carry me through to fall, finishing my novel that I'm convinced will be finished before the next frost, doing arts and crafts to keep me creative and for charitable work, and maintaining my house and yard more successfully than I have in the past several months.

The rational part of me suggests that I need A Plan. For example, I could block out times for these pursuits on a calendar. The part of me that knows me best knows that itself might be a waste of time. Those blocks of time will be contingent on what the hot topics are on The View, what my grandchildren want to do, and which of those legitimate and necessary pursuits blocked out on the calendar take over parts of the calendar that they are not entitled to according to The Plan.

I have A Plan for my garden. Within that plan, I have an area that perennials are allowed to take over in any way they choose. The area is right in the middle of the garden but the perennials are not to go too far north or too far south. In fact, one of my activities this summer will be to put some clear restraints on the heather that threatens to take over the entire garden if it is permitted.

Perhaps I need to block out some time in The Plan on my calendar for my perennial life. The perennials in my life are habits I'm not likely to change, people too precious to exclude from my calendar, and impulses that threaten to take over my entire life if permitted. My perennials are essential in my life just as they are in my garden. I just need to maintain them in their special place in the center of my life, encourage their continued growth, but just not too far south or too far north.

That might not be exactly what grown-ups do, but its my crayola version of balance.

Be Optimistic - wikiHow

I really like this article so I want to share it. Moreover, I need this article so I'm posting where I need it most ... where I write!

Be Optimistic - wikiHow

How to Be Optimistic

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

While being skeptical can be a healthy way to avoid getting taken advantage of, being pessimistic - that is, always assuming the worst - can have major negative consequences on your life. Seeing only the negative aspects of any situation can cause you to miss opportunities, neglect problems that need to be solved, and fail to take action that would otherwise improve your relationships and quality of life. Optimists, who are so much more at peace with the world, train themselves to look for the light at the end the tunnel. If you've always had a pessimistic worldview, it can be difficult to shift your focus, but it is possible to start seeing the glass as half full. Not half empty.

Steps

1. Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science. To believe that the universe or a spiritual entity has singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life miserable is both self-centered and illogical. Be humble and stop pretending you've got the world all figured out. Sometimes bad experiences lead to good experiences, and you can't predict the future, so you can't assume it'll always be bad.
   
2. Look for the source of your pessimism. Deep-rooted negativity can often be traced to childhood experiences, when growing minds observe their circumstances and make presumptions about how the world functions. If all you saw growing up were disappointments, betrayals and failure, it's no surprise that now it's what you expect from the world as an adult. Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.
   
3. Understand that the past does not equal the future. Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past does not guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future. There were many things in your past that you couldn't control, and everybody comes across unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives - you're no exception. But there are also many things in life we can control to one degree or another, and therein lies the possibility of change. A day or week that starts badly will not necessarily end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.
   
4. See yourself as a cause, not an effect. You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on. Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions, instead of letting pessimism turn you into someone who avoids risk at all costs. Sometimes it is necessary to take risks to receive rewards. Moreover, taking no action is taking an action. It is better to play to win rather than merely to avoid losing.
   
5. Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope for the best. When in doubt, remember Lord Alfred Tennyson's words of wisdom:I hold it true, whate'er befall;I feel it, when I sorrow most;'Tis better to have loved and lostThan never to have loved at all.
   
6. Be thankful. Everyone has something to be grateful for. Make a list of the good things that have happened to you. If nothing instantly springs to mind, you aren't trying hard enough. The key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse, and flip the thought process to recognize what you do have. For example: "I'm flunking out of school" can turn into "Well, at least I have a chance to go to school, and I still have time to turn my grades around." Get a notebook and a pen, and write down all the good things that you have. Every time you are feeling negative, read through them and remind yourself that it's not all bad.
   
7. Use positive affirmations. Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall. Some affirmations to start with are:
   
   • "Anything is possible."
     
   • "I create my circumstances, my circumstances don't create me."
     
   • "The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life."
     
   • "I always have a choice."
     
   • "Look at the little things in life that are good and it will make your life a WHOLE lot better"
     
   
   
8. Remember that life is short. When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer. At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done. Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.
   
9. Be a balanced optimist. Nobody's suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.
   
10. Keep a List of Motivational and Inspiring Quotes. There are so many brilliant and well-spoken quotes, lyrics, sayings, anecdotes and hyperbole present generally throughout history along with the same that specifically target your personal tastes. You have a certain song that you feel speaks to you? Search for the lyrics and check it out more in depth, perhaps you can pick out a couple great lines, write them down. Maybe during a particularly tough day someone mentions some saying that gives you a rare boost of motivation, write it down. For example some 'fortune cookie' ones:
    
    • Even the longest journey begins with a single step
      
    • Life has a way of reminding one that it can be worse
      
    • Until one understands the low and darker side of life, the appreciation of the awe-inspiring highs will remain stagnant
      
    
    

Tips

• Look happy. Studies have shown that putting a positive expression on your face can actually make you feel happier and more optimistic about the future.[1]
  
• Practice by conveying these ideas to others. If you hear someone being pessimistic, counsel them based on these steps. Sometimes it's easier to understand a perspective if you explain it to someone else first.
  
• Always make the effort to try and find something good in every bad situation. It may be relatively minor in the scope of things, but there is always something positive to be found. It may seem silly at first, but as it becomes a habit, you will see that your attitude begins to change.
  
• Make a list of the things you want, imagine yourself already having them, and use the subconscious mind to put your optimism to work.
  
• Actually the world doesn't look down on you, your mind plays tricks so you think it does. Never let anything look worse than it is. It always has a way of getting better. Smile and don't let little things bother you..
  

Warnings

• Avoid negative people. If you can't avoid them, learn how to not let them get you down.
  
• Don't let your negative feelings control you.
  
• Don't confuse pessimism with depression. Depression can make everything look worse than it is.
  
• You can only change you. You can't change other people.
  
• While it is true that you create your own circumstances, accept that the past is the past. Don't let negative circumstances trigger irrational guilt.
  
• The past is the past. It's over. It's done. Let it go.
  
• Realize that it's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react to what happens.
  
• These steps are important because you can't always rely on other people to make you happy. After all, you won't be with other people forever, you'll be with yourself forever.

Sources and Citations

↑ Feeling and Facial Efference: Implications of the Vascular Theory of Emotion. Psychological Review, 96(3), 395-416.

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be Optimistic. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Beauty or Brains?

This ad for Palmolive Soap says, "Most men ask, 'Is she pretty?', not 'Is she clever?'" The ad goes on to say, "Brains or beauty? But why choose? Combine beauty with cleverness, charm with wisdom. Develop your beauty to bring out the sweetness of your personality. That's what thousands of girls have done - and found new happiness as a result."

Where, or where, to begin with this one? I'll begin with the ending, the last couple lines of the ad. "Note carefully the name of the wrapper. Palmolive Soap is never sold unwrapped."

It seems wrapped a little too tightly, in my opinion. There is no room in this ad for the possibility that a "girl" might choose brains over beauty. There is no room for the possibility that the "girl" chooses not to be sweet because she is less vulnerable as she is. Heaven forbid that she be entirely disinterested in men in the first place.

This musing isn't intended to be bitter though it might come across that way. It is, in fact, entertaining to read vintage advertisements because they say so much about where we have come from and how far we have yet to go. It leads me to wonder what nit-picking and finger-wagging will come from readers 100 years from now when they look at our products and what the ads have to say about who we have been. (Will there even be a readership or will it be an audio-visualship or a tactileship or a smellyship?)

Some things, perhaps, shouldn't have changed in the past few years. An advertisement in a 1922 copy of the Breeder's Gazette (a newspaper for farmers in case you're wondering) says of the "new" Dodge Brothers Business Sedan, "... one that offers weather protection and comfort the year round; a car dignified in appearance and economical to run." Something other than horseback that is economical to run? That's what I call a "concept car".

Another thing that has to be said for the vintage advertisements is the quality of the artwork. There is real beauty produced by hand and pen and ink rather than keystrokes on a computer or a digital camera. Even the photographs of over eighty years ago are quite amazing considering what the photographers had to work with at the time.

It's just a shame that some of the brains and beauties of days-gone-by weren't as valued in their time as they are today. Maybe this means our value will appreciate as well.

Jumping, Spinning ... Earthquake???

In my last blog, I mentioned that I might jump and spin the following morning. It wasn't actually the next morning that got me jumping, but this morning at 4:30 a.m., I jumped and spun when the 5.2 earthquake shook me and the dog. Because I experienced our "big one" here on the Madre Fault in Illinois in 1968, I immediately realized what was happening. However, since it wasn't accompanied by the huge explosive sound that I remembered from 1968, I nearly talked myself out of believing it was happening again.

Of course, I then blamed the dog for the fact that my bed was shaking. In the past, she has intentionally bumped up against my bed in order to wake me up, and, this morning, she was clearly up against my bed as closely as she could manage it. Nevertheless, I couldn't really blame her for the fact that something on my dresser continued to rattle.

There is an interesting bit of synchronicity involved in this blogging and jumping phenomenon. That is that my friend, Joanna, on her most recent blog, wrote about our changing weather patterns here in the Midwest and noted that the one weather event least likely to be predicted with a high level of accuracy is the tornado. Granted an earthquake isn't a weather pattern (as far as I know), but it's interesting that while I was thinking about jumping up in the morning to begin the day, she was thinking about the unpredictability of nature's events in the Midwest. If you would like to read her blog and, perhaps, her next prophetic entry, you can find her at http://sceamingyawndog.blogspot.com/.

You can continue to find me here with at least my fingers on the keyboard doing the jumping, spinning, and pouncing ... I hope.

GIVE US THIS DOG ...

My dog is very much in tune with my schedule, or should I say "my undisciplined day." Every morning, I hear her stir in the living room when my alarm clock goes off the first time. Her "stirring" is just the changing of positions on the couch because she knows I'm a long way from getting out of bed. There's a bit more stirring the next time I get up to smash the snooze setting. She begins to get her hopes up when I go into the bathroom, but she knows that it is not a given that I'm going to stay up. However, her excitement explodes when I finally come into the dining room to shut off the second (emergency) alarm clock. She jumps, she spins, she pounces. She knows this is it!

The day has officially begun! When she sees me slip on the laceless taking-the-dog-out sneakers, she smiles (really). She romps to the back door and stands wiggling her behind, sniffing at the crack in the door frame. The world has awakened, a new day has begun, and the sun has risen in brilliant splendor. There is new stinky stuff to roll in, new pedestrians to frighten, and new grass on which to defecate.

After putting her in the back yard, I come back inside the house, closing the door between me and smells, the pedestrians, and the sunshine.

I pop a couple pills with my Diet Coke and wonder what she knows that I've overlooked. Tomorrow morning, I'll jump, spin, and pounce ... maybe.